How do you continue to go on in the same meager existence, yes I said existence 
not life. I think there's a distinction between the two. In life you feel, pain 
or sorrow, happiness or anger. In existence you feel nothing and that where I 
reside at the moment. I'm an empty shell void of emotion. There's no anger or 
pain, no sorrow or defeat. Just an empty shell of contempt and resentment. I 
resent changing my life's plan to stay close to what once was my family to help 
with my little brother & sister. Do I resent them NO, I resent my mother for 
allowing me to do so, I resent my father for being the asshole that he is which 
forced me to make that decision so that maybe they could have a better life. I 
resent my grandmother for standing aside and watching her son destroy lives & 
saying nothing, and I resent myself for letting it go so far. The poisoned piece 
of my heart that was meant for my fathers love is slowly destroying what's left 
of my heart, its contaminating the love I have for the rest of my family, its 
beyond destroyed the love I can have for none blood related ppl. The cancer that 
I view as my parents marriage doesn't have me scared of commitment but showing a 
level of disdain for them. Why would I want to put myself through that? I'm 
being asked questions about my sexuality by my own mother because I honestly 
can't deal with a girl for more than a few weeks before pushing her away. Don't 
bring anyone home because its not the movie lifestyle. Come through my front 
door there's a portrait of my parents on there wedding day. If I was to bring a 
girl home how plausible is it that she would meet THAT happily married 
couple...slim to none. She may meet the empty shell that once was, and that's if 
my "father" is home if not she'll meet a mother that I feel is lost in life & I 
rather not put anyone else through that misery, its enough that I'm trying to 
deal and coup with it on my own I'm not going to add another life and soul into 
the misery, so I've come up with a solution...I'm LEAVING, I'm following my 
dreams as well as moving out and away, I'm not going far but I'm going well beyond 
the reach of my families bullshit. They don't wanna drive to CT, I'll be damned 
if they pop-up on me in Boston. So I'm spreading my wings and flying, following 
my dreams and possibly finding love & fortune on the way...only time will tell 
but I'll keep you posted...
Love,

Stushii